Sometimes they are. Sometimes they leave you feeling completely weirded out for the rest of the day. And that can be distracting.
One thing that I've read - and experienced - about pregnancy is that your dreams become much more vivid. I dream all. the. time. Mostly, they are very strange dreams. But upon waking I can shake them off and go about my day without a thought towards my brain's desperate attempt to reorder my daily thoughts and activities and neatly store them away.
Last nite, though. I had a dream that I got fired. I don't think I've ever had one like that before. Really. The head of the company came to me and said, "Geek, we're going to have to let you go." There are so many reasons that can't be true:
1. We are SUPER busy;
2. They are having a hard time hiring people;
3. They do not fire people unless they are doing layoffs - really, apparently even watching t.v. at your desk is acceptable.
4. In spite of what some may think, I'm pretty good at my job.
I know that it won't happen, but I'm still having a hard time shaking this off.
So, why did I have this dream (other than the pregnancy hormones)? Well, the biggest culprit is that for the first time in almost seven years of employment with this company, I got a bad review. Not because I did a bad job, but because my new supervisor is a jerk and, basically I don't work enough. I think the statement was, "It seems to me that you have a pretty good quality of life outside of work. And since you are entering into a new phase of your life, we need to discuss expectations versus what you are willing to do." What. The. Fuck. (Excuse my language, please).
As a result, I've been feeling pretty guilty for not working more. I should be thankful for the job I have and that the conditions in which I work are relatively good. But, at the same time, I don't think that just because they hand me a paycheck (stub) every two weeks, they can treat me like an indentured servant. And I feel guilty knowing that because I'm not getting more done, someone else is doing more. But, again, me working more will not solve that problem. Call me selfish. I like to think of it as self-preservation.
So, basically, six years of great reviews with old boss, one year of bad review with new boss. Add on that some of the other comments made me feel like I basically got demoted when I was ursurped into this new group. And add on that I've been very distracted lately by baby stuff. The sum of which equals bad dreams about getting fired. Ugh.
On the upside, I get to leave early today because I have a doctor's appointment. And tomorrow is Thursday!
6 comments:
So, I was cleaning out my desk and found my reviews, so I read the one from last June. It made me sad. The jist was that I was good, but made some mistaks because I hurried through things so I could get home at a decent hour. And it said that I should expect to work 50 to 60 hour weeks to "complete a project."
So, as ridiculous overloaded everyone at works was, I was afraid I'd get fired last fall as I was burning out and leaving after only working 47 hour weeks. This is when I decided to leave. Even reading that review this week made me feel like I wasn't good enough for this job. This is after 5+ years of my bosses telling me I was basically a superstar. (Not bragging, just noting the change in tone.)
First, a terrible way to manage employees, make them feel like they aren't good enough and that they should be chained to their desk.
Second, Fuck 'Em. They told us that they will never tell us to stop working (not joking) so it was up to us to create a balance. What I tell people is to pick how much they want to work, then go home and don't worry about it. If you're good, then you will stay around. Unfortunately for me, I felt that I was entering the period where I would start to be passed up for promotions (I'm betting that would have happened this summer as I'm due for one) so I left.
Come join us on the oil side!
You're just a little posting fool this week. I'm sorry you're having wacky dreams and work stupidity. Bubba's right. It's no way to run a company. Why don't they realize there's more to life than work?
It's my opinion that structural eng. live to work instead of work to live. It's bass-akwards.
I'm, sorry you had a crappy dream. I would have been disturbed, too.
FYI, once Little Geek arrives, you won't be asleep for long enough to dream. I dreamt last night for the first time I can remember in a long time.
No one should live to work. That's just wrong. Here's to better dreams!!
Bubba, you'll definitely have to keep us updated on how things go at the new job. The possibility of moving to Europe is definitely appealing. But being the tree-hugging liberals we are, it would be hard to work for an oil company. I'm seriously considering TxDOT. Oh, the shame!
(Obviously, though, there will be no job changes within the next six months.)
I thought about that, working for evil oil, but the bottom line is we need oil and gas and my job will be to ensure that the structures used to retreve this oil are sound to avoid loss of live and an environmental disaster.
Also, my quality of live improves!
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