I am soooooo tired today thanks to four, count them: four, nights of Ainsley not sleeping through the night. We were blessed that she started sleeping through nights early on but it seems she saved the sleepless nights for later. And I don't handle change well. Don't know if I've mentioned that before. Especially if it doesn't fall into my plans. But that's another issue altogether.
Two days ago, I probably could have spewed forth the details of her not sleeping. For example, she slept until blah time and I did blah, blah, and blah to get her back to sleep and finally got back to bed at blah time. However, after four nights, everything is just a blur. I just wish I knew why the change in sleep habits.
I'd say I definitely subscribe to more of an attached parenting style. I love holding Ainsley. And there's nothing sweeter than holding her when she's asleep. Most of the time, I don't have a problem with rocking her to sleep. But when I don't get sleep, things get ugly. My patience wears very, very thin and the whole world is going to come to an end if I don't get back to bed in the next five minutes. The Universe rarely complies with ultimatums.
So last night at about 1 am, we decided that we would try to let her cry it out. Ugh. Worst thing ever. To hear your baby crying for you and not responding. But seriously we didn't know what else to do. This was after almost three hours of trying to get her back to bed. And she did finally go back to sleep after about 20 minutes of the worst kind of crying. But it wasn't like she thought to herself, "Hello, Mr. Sandman. Gee, it's nice of you to visit. I think I'll stop crying now and try to get some shut eye."
No, it was probably more like, "HELLO? HELLO! WHY WON'T YOU COME GET ME? I DON'T WAAAANT TO BE IN HERE ALONE. PLEASE COME HOLD ME AND TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. PLEASE LET ME CURL UP ON YOUR CHEST WITH MY HEAD TUCKED UNDER YOUR CHIN. I'M REAAAALLY STARTING TO GET MAD NOW. VERY FUNNY, GUYS. COME GET ME NOW. HELLO? COME ON"......snore. I can hardly feel like there was any constructive mission accomplished.
Yeah, yeah. I know, for her own good. She needs to learn to soothe herself. You need to get sleep, too. She'll survive. You have to show her who's in control. Blah. Blah. Blah.
What about all those pediatricians out there who tout that letting your baby cry it out will only teach her that what she has to say is not important? That there is usually a reason she isn't sleeping through the night. That even a baby's best laid plans don't include trying to take over the world by not letting Mom and Dad get any sleep. That not responding to her cries could cause her to lose a sense of security. Did you hear that? Not being there when she cries will only give her more ammunition during those ever so delicate adolescent years, more reasons to hate us. It does not bode well for my plans to have a mother-daughter relationship akin to the Gilmore girls.
I don't know. I really want to be that mom that can be there to hold her every time she cries (which Dr. Sears claims is not a bad thing, thank you very much). And I want to do everything I can to make sure she's the strong, self-confident, and self-reliant individual I am not. But I also know that an overtired, angry and frustrated pillow is not very comfortable.
5 comments:
Oh sweetie, I so wish I could hold you and hug you and take away your fears. First...after having raised three children, I can tell you that no matter how you raise them..okay to an extent..they are going to grow up to be who 'they' are...not necessarily who you thought you were raising them to be. By the way...that's not a bad thing. On the crying..letting her cry is not all bad...as long as you know that there is a limit. Twenty minutes, that's not bad. Much longer than that..then maybe there is something wrong. Sometimes, if you just walk out of hearing distance for just a little bit, it makes it easier on you. Pop into hearing distance to see if the crying sounds...okay and I wish I could describe that for you but I can't. As her mother, you will learn those cries. You'll learn the ones that just won't go away and the ones that will. Of course, you will only learn them if you let them happen periodically. You don't let her cry all the time but you are absolutely right...an overtired, angry and frustrated pillow is not very comfortable. And repeat to yourself, this is just a phase. And it probably won't be the last, sorry to say. As I watched you grow up, I always thought that I was glad you grew up to be much stronger and self confident than I so.....keep your chin up sweetie. You are loved and she will always love you...no matter what, especially if she takes after her mom.
At some point I think you just have to put down the books and make the best decision for YOUR situation. We did the "cry it out" with Punkin and it really worked well. It was harder on us than her, I think.
No Cry Sleep Solution... It's a book, we have it and it talks about all this stuff. We let Drew cry sometimes. When we know we can't do anything for him, we can let him cry.
Wow, I can't say anything more than what's already been said. But I hope it gets better. You're doing a great job.
Bubba's right. Drew's done this before, albeit not for 4 nights in a row. But at least 2 or 3, waking up at 2:30 just to play or whatever, then cry so we'll put him back to sleep. It will get better. I am not anti-CIO, but I'm also not pro-CIO. I think you have to do whatever works for you and the baby, and sometimes, what works is just letting them cry. You know the difference between types of cries by now, so just go with that.
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